When it comes to wedding Speeches and Toasts, we often assume that people will just volunteer, but the fact is they’re all waiting to be asked… In fact, they will not prepare something unless you ask {in my experience} so if you’re expecting them to speak, including Maid of Honor, Best Men and especially parents, you should definitely ask them officially. If you’re not sure who to ask, or if you want to guide the people who are already speaking, send them to this link from one of my idols, Ann Post for The Must-Know Rules for Making a Toast.
The difference between a Speech & a Toast
There is a difference between giving a speech and giving a toast. I like to remember it as:
Toasts = 10 Words
Speeches = 10 Sentences
Ask people with the differing definitions in mind. Someone may be terrified of a speech, but actually, wants to give a toast. Rehearsal Dinners are a great place to give Speeches too! Perhaps you want to keep the wedding day transition limited to only toasts, but someone wants to give a speech… or perhaps you’re leary of their potential speeches? Sign them up for the stage at your rehearsal dinner!
Ask everyone you want to speak at your wedding or tell the people who you think to need to speak. You should also in a private setting offer others whom you may not have considered the option to prepare a speech on your behalf. Some of the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard at a wedding were from someone who was on the original B-List for invitations.
Coordinating your Wedding Speakers
For your coordinator or DJ to properly prepare your speakers for their microphone time, they need to know who is speaking and in what order. Will the DJ be inviting the Best Man or the Maid of Honor up first? For me when coordinating, I’ll want to hold off the DJ if I know a key speaker has run off to the bathroom at this exact moment. It is essentially my job to make sure all speakers are present and in their “batting order” before the first speaker even begins. I and your coordinators need your help to do that.
You’ll also want to formally ASK each person whom you want to speak. I know, I know, it seems obvious, but people will wait for the invitation before they impose on your planning.
Open Microphones
These can be terrifying to think about, but also truly delightful. I once had a grandma walk up to me at a wedding, show my her 3 index card speech and politely ask, “Do you think there will be time for me to say something tonight?” Ummm, YES! We definitely want to have those moments. We can also work in systems {hello Sign Language again!} that help manage an open microphone. If you also know there will be a lot of planned speakers, prep them at the rehearsal to watch your coordinator’s or DJ’s proximity to them so that they do not keep talking and rambling.
Let your coordinator or DJ know if you’re willing, planning or open to a few impromptu speeches. Also, tell them if there are any Red Flag guests that should not be allowed anywhere near a microphone. Let me know if you’re not wanting any unknown speakers.
Earning Your Sip
This is an etiquette piece that I am a bit eccentric about… It is one of my Top 3 Etiquette Quirks. You’ll have lovely speakers who all say beautiful things about you and your love story. As they raise their glasses to YOU in a toast, you simply hold your glass while everyone drinks. You do not drink. If you did, it would be as if you were patting yourself on the back. See more Toast etiquette rules HERE. I know you’re awesome, but etiquette reigns over this one.
When all speeches are given on your behalf, you newlyweds should be last to speak. You do not have to give a long drawn out speech but say something back to all the guests and attendants, family and loved ones who honored you. It can be a Thank You Toasts made back to your speakers and everyone who came. You then raise your glass and solute to them, thus earning your sip when you reciprocate gratitude.
Back to the Project Block 15 Main Post on Headtables
Post Image Credit(s) ~Roman Studios
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