Boys will be boys… and many a bride has lost sleep over thinking about her groom’s men on her wedding day. This is not going to magically end. Groomsmen will always have the potential to scare even the most trusting bride with the bachelor party whispers and night before the wedding plans… Some of us are lucky and our groomsmen are perfect on the big day, and were ALWAYS going to be! But that doesn’t change the anxiety. {To be fair, I’ve done weddings where it was the bridesmaids who caused the most problems… so, there’s that!} Nonetheless, the dudes get all the heat even when they haven’t earned it…. Like a tradition almost. It is easy to fall face first into worrying about groomsmen from the moment you get engaged and he tells you who he is thinking of asking. You may instantly panic or have points of contention.But, the most important thing to remember is that these are his friends and who he wants there. Are you going to let him decline your bridesmaids? I didn’t think so.  As a bride who was pleasantly

As a bride who was pleasantly shocked by the dudes on her wedding day, despite the 26 months of worthless nightmares leading up to it… let me give you a little pep talk to prepare yourself for the groomsmen journey… Learn to handle yourself because, honestly, you’ll never be able to handle the men, but more importantly you shouldn’t try! Re-gear your brain with these 5 ways to approach situations and just maybe your anxieties will lessen, or you won’t make waves that aren’t even there….

This means inviting them all to pre-wedding festivities from Engagement Parties to Work Parties and Celebrations. Give them a voice in making decisions. I sent out email updates to my whole wedding party and family {you’re shocked I know} that gave them loads of information as soon as I knew it. They were never out of the loop or surprised by anything, or at least those who actually read them knew. I’m pretty sure some hated the emails and probably blocked me, but at least I did my part! I wanted them to know I cared that they were a part of the wedding from start to finish. I do know that some did really appreciate that.

Just like a bridesmaid, your dudes don’t want to have to buy something they will never wear again. Either let them choose the ensemble, make it weather appropriate {no black suits in direct sunlight for a 45 minute ceremony} or buy
it for them. If you want them to wear it the whole time for pictures you best make them want to because as soon as the I Do’s are over neck ties are loosened, shirts come un-tucked {or off completely} and jackets are left in parking lots. Give them things they might actually want to keep. We gave ours their shoes and ties. Better yet, let them wear something totally ridiculous to make them feel like they were those boys in grade school again. A little humor and independence goes a long way…. And do you really care what their socks look like? No. Choose your battles and give them a few victories.

It may sound silly but your crowd of dudes, especially if they’re a young bunch will show up if there is food {maybe not on time, but at least at all} If you’re hosting a work party or set up time at the venue BRING FOOD. Pizza works just fine. We were very fortunate in that we actually had a groomsman volunteer to cook for everybody the night we did all the structure building at our venue. How cool is that!

Groomsmen come in all different shapes and sizes. I have coordinated weddings where all 9 of them were married with kids and practically ran the wedding themselves. I have also had weddings where the groomsmen were in their teens and early 20’s and I was chasing them around like chickens trying to keep their clothes on them for pictures. As a bride, I think you know what to expect from the guys as far as maturity level but also if you know them well, you know their capability level for disaster. At no point in time should you threaten them or tell them how terrified you are of their behavior…. My guess is that they already know. Save your class and grace and let the groom do the talking when you aren’t there. Every encounter you have with them should be honest and sincerely kind, despite your inner bridezilla wanting to unleash herself. It really isn’t going to help. You catch more flies with honey as my grandma always said and I think she’s right. At least, I know that was the case for our groomsmen…. I think.

When you talk to them about the wedding do so as an equal reminding them how glad you are that they are a part of it, because you are. They are going to be up on that wall in your living room pictures forever! So it’s best to keep them liking you and not talk down to them at rehearsal or insult their maturity. They were probably never planning to act like an ass until that moment when you said that they better not! Oops! You poked the bear! Just don’t… trust me! Stay positive and show them that you trust them with your comments. Just DON’T make comments around them that impugn their ability to pull this off. They know it’s a big deal and they will need to get a little crazy to deal with the stress of it to avoid the stage fright. Just let them deal with it through their little quirks and they’ll be fine at gametime. They’ve done this before… It’s like a locker room {no woman EVER wants to go in there!} but then somehow they can pull it together and win a state championship….